I shouldn’t feel this way when I’m so happy, right?

I’m absolutely terrified that one day, she’s not going to love me anymore. I’m terrified that she’ll wake up and realize that there’s so much better out there than me. I’m terrified that she’ll get tired of my insecurities and want someone who believes they’re beautiful. I’m terrified that she’ll get tired of those sporadic nights where I just randomly burst into tears while I’m laying in her lap. I’m terrified that she’ll get sick of my terrible jokes that I will laugh at for five minutes. I’m terrified that she’ll begin to look at me and see me differently. I’m terrified that she’ll start to see me the way I see myself. I’m terrified that she’ll see all my flaws that she tries to embrace the way that I see them. I’m terrified that she’s gonna get really tired of me always being around. I’m terrified that she’s gonna meet someone her own age and realize that she should be with someone her own age so that she can settle down. I’m terrified that she’s gonna realize that the person she wants to settle down with is never going to be me. And I hate so much that my insecurities make me so scared all the time. I hate when she sees my insecurities. I hate that I’m so in love with this girl, but at the same time I try and push her away and close myself off because I have it so in my head that she’s going to leave me because that’s what everyone else has done to me. It’s not fair to her. And I’m terrified that she’s gonna realize that. I’m terrified that she’s gonna realize that I don’t deserve someone like her. I’m absolutely terrified that one day, she’s just not going to love me anymore.